Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
