No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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