nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
