im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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