She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
