I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
only if we run a train.
done.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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