Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
