This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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