Where is the hickey?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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