I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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