whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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