My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
