fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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