It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
