I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
