it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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