i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
