he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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