Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
