I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
