Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All the doctor said was why
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
