you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
