I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
