we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
