i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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