nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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