She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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