I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
