Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
