Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We are two peas in an std pod
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
