Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
