Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
