Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
