That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize