i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
not ubering you a puppy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
