I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
