Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
