I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
