She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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