Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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