my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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