We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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