a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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