okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
