I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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