we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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