Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
