I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
