If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
