I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
