I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
