Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
