Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
