So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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