i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
