at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
