So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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