She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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