I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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