Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
