I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
