Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
