I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
