so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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