When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
