he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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