I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
