Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
