Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
