chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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