Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
