Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
